Happy Birthday, Mom

September 17, 2023

It’s just after midnight. I’ve been checking the time all night, anxiously waiting for the clock to strike twelve, for the calendar in my head to turn the page to the 17th.

My mom would have been 76 today. Rephrase… My mom should have been 76 today.

But Cancer took that from her. Took her from us.

Happy birthday, mom.

Two and a half years. That’s how long she’s been gone. 

It’s been sad and even confusing at times. Life is so weird without her. But mostly, it’s been painful.

“It doesn’t get easier, but we get stronger.”

This is what my comadre told me when I asked how she was still standing. She lost both of her parents (in the same month) about a year before my mom died.

You don’t get “over it,” she said. You never get over it, but we keep living – for them.

“It doesn’t get easier, but we get stronger.”

I’m not sure she knows how much those words have helped me. I’m not sure I thanked her… I think I did… But I don’t think I could ever thank her enough.

Those words changed me. They snapped me out of the grief-stricken spell that I had been under.

Those words resonated with me. Instantly. I didn’t fully understand why then, but I completely understand why now.

It’s because that’s exactly what my mom would have said to me. If she were here now, she would say it verbatim…in English and Spanish… and with at least one F-bomb.

“It doesn’t get easier (mija), but we get (fucking) stronger.”

Do I still grieve her passing? Of course, I do. I always will. It’s just not consuming my days, my nights, my every thought, my every breath.

And, God help me, I feel guilty about it. It’s a vicious cycle. Grieve. Grow. Guilt. Repeat.

But I’m getting stronger, and I choose to live – for her.

Happy birthday, mom. Te quiero mucho, mami. ❤️

Soy hija de Gloria. Hija de guerrera. Esta es la historia de mi mamá. Y también mi terapia.

I’m Gloria’s daughter. Daughter of a warrior. This is my mom’s story. And my therapy.